Trauma bursaries. We’ve heard of. A trauma versary is when you are going through your year and everything is just fine and then all of a sudden a date comes up or a time of year and you begin to get PTSD, begin to get anxiety, maybe you act out of character.
For me, this time of year, right around March 16th, I would break up with whoever I was with. My ex husband was broken up with once a year because I had no realization of what was happening. And I had this trauma versary.
Now, some trauma versories like parents birthdays or maybe things happened every Christmas or every ho certain holiday and you’re like, oh, well, this is just a really crappy day and I don’t like this day. And so I have a traumas rate. But there’s other traumniversaries that go any old time a year, right? Million, May 16th. There’s nothing really that big of a deal about May 16th. But every year on May 16th, I would have this crippling feeling of I don’t belong here. I shouldn’t be here. Terror would come in my body. I wouldn’t be able to explain it because I didn’t remember what time of year my trauma happened until years later, very many years later, after I had already seen the pattern going. Well, every may I break up with my boyfriend. Every may I don’t wanna have anything to do with anybody. Every may my life turns upside down. Like, why do I feel like I have to die and reinvent myself every may?
Until I got the folder and I got the folder of all the case and court and everything that happened. And May 16th, this week was very significant days in my both abuse and traumas that happened to me where I thought that I was gonna lose my life. And when I try to get out of the situation by taking my own power in my own hands, I’ll just put it that way, you know what I mean?
I was 13. And every year after that, my body would remember the trauma. My body would remember me almost dying, and I would basically just crumble my life until about 10 years ago. Now I work with survivors of SA and CSA and painful, traumatic relationships, right, to help you find yourself again, know yourself again, reclaim your power and walk through days like today.
So today, I knew it was coming. Not really that big of a deal. I don’t have anyone to break up with, but I didn’t up level my life. I had great client calls today. It was fantastic. But a couple years ago, it wouldn’t have been, a couple years ago, it would still have been a struggle. I would still have a conversation in my head to walk through. Wouldn’t make any sense any other time of year.
So if you’re going through a trauma versary and maybe you’ve done tons of healing, maybe you feel like you’re completely over it and then the trauma versary comes up and you’re like, oh, my God. Oh, right. You’re having a fight and you’re doing this and you’re doing that. Give yourself some Grace. Take your coping skills, put them back together. Write that letter couple more times, do some tapping, take some deep breaths, do some yoga. Remember that you went through something massive on this day. You can validate that within yourself. You’re worthy of that and reinvent this day or whatever your day is for yourself.
So for me, today is the day. Every birthing, it’s a day of getting clearer on things. It’s a day of relaxation. It’s a day of, no, I’m not gonna go to the store. I’m not gonna push myself. I’m not gonna do things. Today is a day of really choosing the commitment to life and to myself. And that’s how I choose to do my trauma versary.