Reflections on Parenting and Childcare: Navigating Challenges and Considering New Paths

Okay, y’all. I just drop my baby Carson off at a new summer program. Y’all know he’s autistic. So I am very much, like, on top of and aware of like what he’s doing, who he’s waiting, all these things. But this time here, I don’t know. I feel and easy.

I’m sitting in the parking lot at Walmart not too far from there. I applied, you know, originally for this place. It seemed very nice, you know, the very, look like a safe environment, kids and all that. So I did a tour, the initial place. It was great. You know, I loved it.

Applied for summer and I told her, you know, about him, the director about him. And I told her that I would love to have his rbtjen come up there to help facilitate and help him kind of engage and interact because it is for my Senate and my safety, you know, instead of her doing it at home, if she can come up to the facility so that he can get some more interaction with children, stuff like that, just some more structure and stuff. She agreed. We got all the documents that she needed for her to be there, specifically for Carson. So I try to set up a meeting with her MSN, so we can meet, we can talk about his needs, we can talk about the schedule, all of that.

Cuz that’s just me. Like I’m very organized and I need things to be like lined out, mapped up and all that.

She, the communication was not very good after the application. It just seemed like she wasn’t replying back. I’m like, hey, you know, what’s a good time that so I already didn’t like that, but I’m like, you know what, Lord, let’s just go with it. So whatever today, the first day we pop up, I had Jim maybe there we get out, you know, she’s looking shock. But it’s like I already told you he’s bringing his support is here and she’s there six hours out of the day.

So she’s with the majority of the time. I’m gonna pick him up literally an hour after her or either two hours after. He won’t be there in the more than two hours by himself at the facility.

But, you know, upon getting in there, whatever, he went right in, did just fine. You know, I’m trying to introduce her. That’s why I didn’t want to do it at the same time that I’m bringing, I’m trying to introduce her, you know, let her know, you know, how things are gonna be, whatever. But then I also realize, wait, when I did the application, I didn’t get a welcome pack. So then I asked her, right?

Then I’m like, hey, you know, is there any kind of welcome back or any information about the facility to teach you the procedures, like the schedule, any of that? And she’s like, oh, my friend, printer is down. You know, I’ll let him like, okay, well, can you email that over? And she’s like, I’m sure I can do that again. We already have problems with email. So I don’t know what I was like, I would love to have that.

You know, just for my sanity because I’m just not the type of parent, like, let’s just go drop their kids off. Like, hey, okay, bye. You know, I need to know more. And I don’t know if it’s just cuz it’s my background or what, but like, I’m just not that one. Like, I’m not okay with that.

And the only reason you probably think like, well, why you Lambda? The only reason that I’m I am comfortable with him being there is honestly because machine is there because he has support. My eyes and ears are there. I already take turns on her girl. I’m stressing out. Let me know, you know, how you feel about the place.

Give me updates on how he’s doing all of that. And that I’m just that pairing. So, you know, she’s gonna let me know how the day goes.

But as I just sit here and think about you guys, like I was a teacher when I was, you know, even going as a teacher, I’ve always said like, I’m gonna have my own school or my own childcare center. And now that I am interacting with these childcare centers and having my kids, Lord King haven’t had to go yet.

My younger son, he’s just at my babyset, the role. I trust her. He’s been with her since he’s 10 months. History now, you know, he’s gonna be going to pre care next, you know, preschool or whatever next year. I’m just stressing out because I’m really not liking the interaction so far as I’ve been, you know, don’t going through this with Carson.

And I don’t know if this is my sign that maybe I need to research and I need to open up and start figuring out my own like center. But cuz I know I can do it. Like I know I can. So I’ve been praying heavily about that and I will see what happens. Boy, I’m just not.

I just can’t believe like some of these places are open or they’re operating in the way that they are. And like, and that’s okay. Like for me, like I would have things, I’ve run several businesses, so I would have the onboarding process of getting parents in. There is no way that there should be an issue with the welcome packet not being available to me because those things should be pre printed and those things should be ready and organized. Like to just hand to them once they’re accepted, though that should have been given to me as the first day.

But for me to have nothing, like if Miss Jen wanna be there, I probably would not have let him go there. Like, I don’t know, is this, it is some, you know, with some no sit right as a parent, some no sit right. But it’s again, it’s not the facilities, just how it was operated, how the welcome part was done. But I do feel like he’s safe there. Like they like to do it.

It’s safe there. But it’s just, it wasn’t safe. I wouldn’t win this far, but it’s just how certain things are done. I know running the business and I know how things would be done had if it was my. And I don’t know if God saying like, do your own thing, like you can do it. Cuz there’s a little small piece of art that’s still like for the children that’s still that it can like it’s possible.

But Lord, if it’s for me to do like, let me know, like I will get started. Cuz literally nothing is stopping me. It’s just, you know, I wanted my kids to go out and do that I thought I don’t want to do something different.

But, Lord, if you’re telling me to do this, then I’m going to listen and do this. Just let me know. But I just wanted to share because I know I probably ain’t the only parent, or maybe I am. But I just feel like I’ll be having a lot of thoughts and I just let him out. And yeah, it’s just like parents are younger now and a lot of parents aren’t paying attention on aware of certain things that is right or isn’t right or, you know, I don’t know.

But I’m just not that parent and I just know how I would do things. And like, I even think about the last sinner that he was at that I pulled him out of. It was a lot of things that I did not like that was unprofessional. And I just didn’t understand how is this, how are they open? Like how are they being funded and getting funds from the state to do these things?

Like, I don’t know. It is, again, it’s, it is, it’s small, you know, sinners. They’re not like chained or nothing like that. I do try to support us, but like we disappoint. Yeah, disappoint us. We’re disappointing every time. And I know what ain’t everybody, but whatever is it is what it is. I know he’s protected and covered by God, but I’m just ready go pick him up.