Surviving in Silence: The Battle of a Victimized Voice

Oh, my God. Yes. I’m so sorry. I forgot. You were the authority on this matter. I forgot you, a non survivor, have bridged this informational gap by doing ample research into the subject matter as seen by the sources you provided. Now, this was going to be the part where I picked apart those sources. However, my mutual just did that. So I’m gonna link that video. Sorry to keep linking you buddy, but like, it’s not my fault you make killer post. You say you’re open to correction and discussion, but that’s really not the case here. You said you posted sources, so of course, I went to look at them and I immediately recognized the name Michael Salter. You couldn’t even look into your sources enough to know who that is. So of course, I commented on Gestalt’s post Brochs, cited Michael Salter and we all went over to look and we told you these like sources are not saying what you think they’re saying. You didn’t even take the time to look at them and you deleted all those comments. In fact, we took a look at all of your sources and none of them said what you thought they said. And the one that possibly could have sided with you posted from behind a paywall, meaning you don’t actually know the conclusion of that source, you don’t have access to that source. And these were the only sources you provided, which is a shame because I was really looking forward to expanding my understanding with something of substance. But yes, you absolutely know what you’re talking about.

Please tell me how I and not the adults that did this to me, deserve to be in jail. Elaborate on how I, a victim of force perpetration, deserve to be punished by the fullest extent of the law for doing what I had to survive. Explain to me how I’m so awful, even though I carry this burden within everything that I do. I refuse to get a job in the mental health specialty that I’m certified in because I’m terrified of hurting children. But yes, I’m so absolutely terrible as I spend all of my unpaid time continuing to provide information about RAM COA to the community that most people don’t have access to. I’m just awful for using my role as a programmer in training to provide aid to those I was once made to terror.

Tell me how I must pay. As if I’m not actively doing that right now. As if I’m not disregarding my own safety and allowing myself to be monitored by my organization in order for me to provide this information to people as if I’m not knowingly playing into the hands of an organization that’s still gunning on using me.

This organization doesn’t care about the escapees. In fact, they view them as pretty worthless and useless. But I don’t. I want to help these people continue to heal. So I’m allowed to do what I want to do as long as I’m still monitored and still in shackles.

But no preach to me from your ivory tower of omnipotence about how I’m so terribly awful, how I’m evil incarnate for being forced to engage in my own little brother’s test. I bomb it from the night terrors that I get from the memories of what I was forced to commit tell me just how sinful I am for trying to make it up to that little boy every single day, even though he doesn’t remember a thing and doesn’t remember a single thing I did for him.

He looks at me like I’m some alien creature because he does not know what all I am shielding him from. He does not know what all I went through instead of him. He doesn’t know the truth about our family, about our origin, about our lineage. And I’m okay with that because I know it’s better for his mental health if he doesn’t now. But yeah, I’m sure the system community will take very kindly to your victim blaming, even if programming isn’t real and my system wasn’t caused by a form of organized high level conditioning, I’m still diagnosed with the ID. We still have two substantiated reports of child trafficking with CPS. But you wouldn’t know that, right? Cuz you don’t really bother to look into anything you speak about. I digress. It was very kind of you to bring this to my attention, and I’m sure the audience has nothing but humble and kind words of encouragement for you.